Gaslighting: Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment, often evoking in them cognitive dissonance and other changes including low self-esteem. People who gaslight never apologize directly, they simply aren't capable of admiting fault in a vulnerable way. They will even go as far as twist, fabricate and blame you for their own indiscretions. As a result, you feel absolutely bonkers and question your own sanity. This kind of behavior is a red flag, and you should keep your distance as well as block and report it. Your mental health will thank you for it later.

Microaggression: If you've ever read an insult, or rude and insensive comment, this might not mean that you can outright report it unless the language used is clearly intending to intimidate and belittle you. If the person also says something bordering on racial microagression, then it is a reportable offense. Microagressions are generally: "The everyday slights, indignities, put downs and insults that people of color, women, LGBTQIA populations, or those who are marginalized, experience in their day-to-day interactions with people."

Internet trolls: is a person who starts to troll is a person who starts flame wars or upsets people on the internet by posting inflammatory and digressive, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community. Their sole goal is to conquer, and divide -- to enrage and distract you from what matters. DON'T. FEED. THE. TROLLS!

Arguing, fighting, and debating: are not always reportable offenses. Different personalities and ideas will clash. This is normal, however, intention and motivations are key here. To argue is to try to convince someone of your beliefs or point of view. To debate is to present, logically, your points of view and lay them on the table without necessarily demanding others agree. On the other hand, fighting can be toxic and border on unacceptable behavior, when starting to verbally or physically attack another person. 

Criticism / Feedback / Sensitivity:  Feedback generally avoids speculating on the other person's intent, focusing instead on the actual results of their behavior. The difference between constructive criticism and destructive criticism is the way in which comments are delivered. Constructive criticism is designed to point out your mistakes, but also show you where and how improvements can be made. Constructive criticism should be viewed as useful feedback that can help you improve yourself rather than put you down. When criticism is constructive it is usually easier to accept, even if it still hurts a little. Some individuals are critical by nature and do not always realize that they are hurting the feelings of another person. If you know a person who is critical of everything, try not to take their comments too seriously, as this may just part of their character trait. Remember that this is an international atmostphere, and intercultural communication is at play. Some things are lost in translation and due to age differences and cultural backgrounds, we must be culturally aware and express ourselves with tact.

"Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain, but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving." - Dale Carnegie

To help you navigate the Stardoll Etiquette expected out all of us, here is a guide on what kind of behavior will warrant you getting reported for breaking the rules.

In Lisa.Stardoll's own words, here are some general guidelines that I've extracted from her Royalty Club posts (called 'RC' for short, this is a club she manages and interacts with Royalty members) where we have discussed rules or members have been warned for nearly breaking them:

 1. Stardoll and the Royalty Club are not the places to encourage unsafe behavior. Not following guidelines to keep yourself and others safe during the pandemic is a personal opinion some may have, but we're not endorsing it here on Stardoll.

2. Stardoll is a safe place for LGBTQIA folk, people of color, people in minority groups, and any other protected class. We don't allow, accept or endorse sexism, hate speech, hate symbols, bullying, or name calling. Please keep it civil and keep it about fashion, especially in a thread about that topic.

3. Responding to another member who has commented in a chat thread is fine. Creating a thread using another member's name in the title that is used to bash, speculate, and spread gossip is not fine, nor are any other threads that are created and lead to bashing, speculating, and spreading gossip, so they will be removed.

4. Creating [StarDesign items] in other accounts is prohibited because it involves sharing passwords, which is against the One-Stop Rules for everyone's safety. Selling a a custom look for the minimum amount of SC is fine. It's when real money is involved or other sorts of side deals (that are often scams) take place that our security team steps in. OFTEN, when an account of a well-known designer is closed, it's because they are seriously breaking the rules, and sometimes in other ways not necessarily related to their design work...

5. A scammer could easily tell an unsuspecting member, "Hey, buy these 2 'junk' items for 600 SD each, and then spend another 600 SD for the item you're *actually* paying all the currency for, then between purchases 2 and 3, they block that member and end up with the highly desired item, AND and additional 1080 SD. The One-Stop Rules aren't randomly decided on -- they're put in place to protect our members.

6. As a reminder, I am pretty open to what's discussed here in RC, but will delete threads that make others question or fear the security of their account, or trash on Stardoll staff. As I have said in the past, we are not able and do not comment on specific actions taken regarding an account to anyone other than the account owner. This thread will be closed if there is a continuation of cherry-picking text to build a narrative against a staff member OR it's implied that staff would compromise an account's security in order to be petty or worse. 

7. As we don't comment on why a particular member's account is closed, people are able to make any sort of claim they would like on why their account was closed, and we have even had instances where a member will close their own account and claim staff did it which makes me absolutely bonkers.

8. Regarding the amazing StarDesign artists we have here, I am in awe of the skills y'all have. I would ask that membership uses critical thinking skills when they hear an account is closed -- why would we close the account of a member that adds amazing talent here and is not causing problems, breaking rules, or scamming others?

9. Sometimes the threads are gone before staff is aware something happened. Sometimes people legitimately delete something after reflection, and sometimes, upon further investigation from our security team, people are trying to stir up trouble and think claiming they're censored is a good way to do that. And this is a perfect example of why I try to assume best intentions are coming from everyone, and would hope they would extend the courtesy to each other and Stardoll staff.

10. As a general rule, we currently allow any topic of conversation and post here in RC as long as it's within the One-Stop Rules. I absolutely appreciate everyone's opinions and think it's valuable for our team to see what y'all think. I would hope you'd be able to see that at this point, since many threads here are full of criticisms as well as appreciation.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST... 

"Let's move forward with kindness and best intentions, y'all. This will be my only comment on the subject, as I respect each of you and your accounts and wouldn't comment further about you either. I would hope everyone taking offense to remarks in this thread assume best intentions and realize that sarcasm, satire, and hyperbole are not always easy to detect on a text-based platform, especially when English is not everyone's first language."

All that being said, please remember to play nice! Is that so hard? There is a global pandemic happening in real life. Do you come to Stardoll for the tea and get a kick out of generating trouble and drama, or do you come here for the fashion and possibility of making friends and winning some contests? This community is not perfect, and has long struggled to be kind.

Recent events, and the support of BLM has shown many of us are willing to rise above our differences and protect human rights and fight for equality. What should you do when a member breaks the rules and misbehaves? Report, block, and move on.

Do NOT engage with rule breakers. Do not feed the trolls, and most of all: learn to be mindful when it comes to constructive criticism and feedback! Dealing with criticism is an important life skill. We all must learn to accept this in a healthy way.

There is another option as well. We can choose to dismantle hatred with kindness. Teach them to be better instead of shaming them. Everyone is capable of change. If a member makes a mistake and says something you deem disrespectful, try to be companssionate and teach them what they did was wrong. The language we use, and how we deliver it, goes a long way. 

Hopefully, this blog post strikes a chord with a lot of our readers. We've seen an escalation in tensions and unacceptable behavior in the comment sections and threads, and its necessary we all try to be civil in times of such uncertainty and distress. In a sense, we are all strangers online playing with paperdolls, and should try to be courteous and compassionate. We don't know what the other goes through. Troll or not. We are all in this together! When we are online, words absolutely matter more than we might think, pathos and delivery can be misconstrued. Its really important we try to be mindful. 

What do YOU think about the recent update? Let me know in a comment below.

Signing off,  

AllDolledUp