Last Friday I took my scruffy little yorkie mix to the vet for what turned out to be her last visit. We had been managing her pancreatitis with medications and a special diet, but it had advanced to the point where she was suffering. She had been so brave, it was hard to let her go. 

She left a hole in my heart. For months she slept beside me so I could wake and help her during the night. Sometimes she just needed to be carried outdoors to do some business. Sometimes she needed to have her jacket removed and sometimes she just needed to be held. 

Because of her special diet she needed more frequent meals. Several times during the day she would seek me out to let me know she was hungry. I learned from her behavior and her expressive eyes what she needed.

I had never had to nurse a dog thru a long illness. It is a different kind of pain when it is over. I feel guilty that I may have not done enough and regretfull that she suffered.

I have had many dogs over the years and intellectually I know that they have limited life-spans. Still each loss is painful. 

I have lots of photos and videos that show how adorable and happy she was. I look forward to the day I will be able to enjoy them without feeling so sad.